This article will be read by Pallab.

Valentine's Day often prompts people to consider the idea of a perfect match, a soulmate who is meant to be with them.

The concept of a soulmate has its roots in ancient mythology, such as the story from Plato, which describes humans as originally whole beings that were split in two by Zeus, leaving each half to search for its missing counterpart.

During the Middle Ages, the notion of courtly love emerged, characterized by intense devotion and self-sacrifice, as seen in the story of Lancelot and Guinevere.

The Renaissance period saw the rise of the concept of "star-crossed lovers," where couples were bound together by fate, yet often faced obstacles that prevented them from being together.

Modern fairy tales and romance novels have perpetuated the idea of idealized love stories.

However, what does current research say about the existence of soulmates?

Viren Swami, a professor at Anglia Ruskin University, has studied the evolution of romantic love in Europe, tracing it back to medieval tales of chivalry and courtly love.

According to Swami, these stories introduced the idea of choosing one lifelong partner, marking a shift from more fluid and non-exclusive forms of love.

Prior to this, love was not necessarily tied to sex or monogamy, and people were free to love multiple individuals.

As people became increasingly disconnected from their communities due to industrialization, they began to seek a single, special person to fill the void, leading to a sense of alienation.

Today, dating apps have turned the search for a soulmate into a commodified experience, which Swami describes as "relation-shopping," often resulting in a soulless and unfulfilling experience.

This process involves browsing through numerous potential partners until one becomes overwhelmed and decides to stop, rather than finding a genuine connection.

Jason Carroll, a professor at Brigham Young University, understands the desire for a soulmate but argues that people should abandon the idea of a predestined partner.

As social creatures, humans have an inherent desire for attachment and connection, but this does not necessarily mean that there is one perfect match out there.

Carroll distinguishes between the idea of destiny, where a soulmate is simply found, and the concept of growth, where two people work together to build a strong relationship.

A true "one and only" is not something that can be discovered instantly but rather is cultivated over time through effort, compromise, and perseverance.

Carroll's research, outlined in his report "The Soulmate Trap," highlights the differences between "destiny beliefs" and "growth beliefs" in relationships.

Studies have shown that individuals who believe in destiny are more likely to question their commitment when faced with conflicts, whereas those with growth-oriented views tend to remain more committed.

People with growth-based views still desire a special connection but are more willing to work through challenges and improve their relationship.

Carroll argues that the soulmate myth can be detrimental, as it creates unrealistic expectations that love should be effortless, leading to disappointment and frustration when reality sets in.

In his view, the most meaningful aspect of a long-term relationship is not the initial spark but the ability to navigate life's challenges together, creating a deep and lasting bond.

When love is seen as fate, people may become less inclined to put in the effort required to maintain a healthy relationship, leading to difficulties when conflicts arise.

Carroll suggests that the soulmate trap can lead to unrealistic expectations, causing people to give up on a relationship at the first sign of trouble, rather than working through issues.

Vicki Pavitt, a love coach, has worked with clients who thought they had found their soulmate, only to discover that the relationship was unhealthy and manipulative.

According to Pavitt, intense chemistry can sometimes be a sign of unresolved past issues, rather than a genuine connection.

A person who is inconsistent or unpredictable can create a strong attraction, but this may be due to the anxiety and uncertainty they provoke, rather than a healthy bond.

Pavitt notes that what may feel like destiny can actually be a trauma bond, where the nervous system is drawn to familiar patterns, even if they are unhealthy.

This can lead people to become trapped in toxic relationships, as they mistake the familiar feelings of anxiety and excitement for love.

Research by Canadian psychologists Donald Dutton and Susan Painter has explored the phenomenon of trauma bonds, finding that women who had left abusive partners often experienced strong attachment to their exes.

The study discovered that the strongest bonds were not formed in consistently abusive relationships but in those where the partner alternated between charm and cruelty.

Dutton and Painter argue that this trauma bond explains why people may feel drawn back to unhealthy relationships, as the mix of danger and affection can be familiar and addictive.

Pavitt helps her clients distinguish between genuine chemistry and a familiar sense of anxiety, encouraging them to recognize the difference between a healthy connection and a trauma bond.

In her coaching, Pavitt focuses on helping individuals discern whether their attraction to someone is based on compatibility or a familiar pattern of anxiety.

She does not believe in the concept of a single soulmate but instead suggests that people can become "The One" for someone through mutual growth and connection.

The biology of attraction also suggests that the idea of a single soulmate may be overly simplistic.

Research has shown that hormonal contraceptives can influence how partners feel about each other, potentially altering initial attraction and mate choice.

A study of 365 heterosexual couples found that women's sexual satisfaction was higher when their current contraceptive status matched what it was when they first chose their partner.

These findings imply that changes in contraceptive use can affect the chemistry between partners, making it more challenging to argue that there is a single, predestined match.

Mathematicians offer an alternative perspective on the concept of "The One," providing a distinct approach to understanding romantic love and relationships.

Economist Dr. Greg Leo from Vanderbilt University has developed a compatibility algorithm that suggests individuals may have multiple potential matches, rather than a single "One".

In a study published in the Journal of Public Economic Theory, Dr. Leo created a simulated dating environment where thousands of virtual participants ranked each other. His algorithm identified "first-order soulmates" – pairs who mutually chose each other – and then repeated the process to find subsequent matches.

The simulations revealed that having a mutual first choice was extremely rare, but many individuals had multiple potential partners who were a close match. A couple was considered "happy" if they were both high on each other's list and couldn't find someone they preferred more.

Dr. Leo's research implies that there may be numerous compatible partners for an individual, challenging the notion of a single, perfect match.

So, how can couples create their own unique connection?

Professor Jacqui Gabb of The Open University explored this question in her Enduring Love project, which was published in the journal Sociology in 2015.

The project involved a survey of approximately 5,000 people and an in-depth study of 50 couples, using a combination of statistical analysis, diaries, interviews, and "emotion maps" to examine their relationships.

When participants were asked what made them feel appreciated, their responses didn't involve grand romantic gestures.

Instead, they highlighted small, thoughtful actions such as surprise gifts, kind words, and everyday considerate behaviors like making a cup of tea or warming up the car on a cold morning.

Quantitative analysis revealed that these "everyday attentive acts" had a more significant impact on relationship satisfaction than grand romantic gestures.

According to the survey, 22% of mothers and 20% of childless women ranked small gestures as one of the top two things that made them feel valued, surpassing big nights out or expensive presents.

The data suggested that relationship satisfaction was primarily driven by "intimate couple knowledge" and the expression of this knowledge in daily life, rather than material possessions or romantic getaways.

One couple's diary, part of the research project, described a quiet evening at home, where they shared a meal and enjoyed each other's company, highlighting the beauty of everyday moments.

The diary entry captured a sense of contentment, with the writer expressing gratitude for the simple pleasures in life.

The couple's story also included spontaneous moments, like a dance in the living room, a walk in the countryside, and a cherished photo, showcasing the beauty of everyday life.

This narrative was characterized by its ordinariness, rather than fairy-tale romance, with the couple facing real-life challenges like financial worries and personal struggles.

Professor Gabb noted that the couple's relationship was strengthened by their ability to navigate life's challenges together, rather than being insulated from them.

According to Gabb, the sense of being soulmates was not something that existed independently of life's pressures, but rather was created through the couple's shared experiences and interactions.

The scientific insights into relationships don't diminish the romance, but rather provide a foundation for it to flourish, even in difficult times.

This perspective is shared by some experts, who believe that aspiring to a unique and special relationship is acceptable, as long as one recognizes that it requires effort and creation.

Others suggest that having faith in finding "the one" can be helpful, as long as one is aware that there are many potential partners with whom a strong connection can be formed, and that nobody is perfect.

The science of soulmates presents a paradox: those who ultimately find fulfilling relationships often do so by letting go of the idea of a perfect match and instead embracing the imperfections of their partner.

Additional reporting for this article was provided by Florence Freeman.

The top image is courtesy of Getty Images.